You Ain't Never Caught A Rabbit........

Ohhhh      s t r e t c h       s  t  r  e  t  c  h        s    t    r   e   t   c   h        s     t     r     e     t     c     h

Wag wag wag wag wag wag wag wag wag wag wag wag  waggity waggity wag wag.

Great day yesterday. Great. Great . Really great.  They wanted to see me really urgently so I jumped on them urgently and they woke up urgently then and I knew that. I knew that. I knew that. I knew that.

Wag wag wag wag wag wag wag wag wag wag wag wag wag wag wag.

I knew they wanted me to get off then. So I got off. And then got on just to check and then got back off. And then They got up as well and so I showed them the way downstairs and showed them where the door is and showed them how to open it and showed them where outside is and went outside.

Yes. Outside. Sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff wag wag wag wag wag wag wag wag wag sniff sniff wag sniff sniff sniff sniff OH WAG WAG wag wag wag wag there here there here here here here there there THERE yes! Wag wag wag wag wag sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff pause: crouch: touch: ENGAGE

Nobody looking left. Nobody looking right.  Wait.  And relax. Mmmmm Nice engage.

Run run run run run run run run run run run run run awaaaaayyyyyyyyy. Wag wag wag wag wag wag wag sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff wag wag wag wag and breakfast, BREAKFAST! “Breakfast!” “Breakfast!” wag wag wag wag wag.

Right. Where was I ?

Yesterday. Yesterday was a great day. There was cheese. Yes. Cheese. I remember the cheese I had a bit of a wag because of the cheese. Oh yes. Waggity wag wag wag.

And a walk. A walk “Walkies” a walk a walk oh waggity wag wag walking wagging walk wag. Oh sniff and smell and smell and sniff and dogs. Little white dog. Jumping jerky jog. Gate. Locked in and jumping and barking and wagging and jumping. I walked and walked and didn’t jump but walked and walked and walked and walked past them and the gate and didn’t even look at the jumping. I sniff over there and here and there and there and there and over here and there but not there. Not there at the gate where the little white dog and jerky jumpy dog were. Oh no. Not me. I never lost control. Not there. Or there. Or there. But THERE!! YES! Yes. Pause; crouch; touch; ENGAGE. HEYYY Gate Dogs. Sniff THAT!! Wag wag wag wag wag wag wag wag wag. Walked off. Walked and then run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run awaaaaaay. 

Sheep. Sheep Sheep. “no!” “NO!” I didn’t. Oh no. Not me. I never lost control. Run run run run run run run run run run run run run. A gate! Wait at gate. Dog at gate. Wait dog, wait dog. Make them open the gate. OPEN THE GATE!! And GO! Run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run awaaayyyy. Gone. They took ages to walk down so I ran back and went faster but they just walked and didn’t sniff anything. Not a thing. Not the grass. Not the post. Not that stone. Not the fence. Not that bit of grass. Or that bit. Or that bit. Or that bit or the fence. Or that  - ewwwww – what was THAT? Better go back and check. Better check. Better check. Sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff wag wag wag wag wag wag wag wag sniff  sniffing wag wag wag sniff sniff sniff sniff and pause; crouch; touch; ENGAGE. 

And sea. See the sea. See the sea. See. See. See. See. Sea. Sea. See sea? Sea see? Sea sea sea. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Sea. SEA! SEE THE SEA!!!  Quick. Quick. Quick. Run run run run run run run run run run run run run awaaaay. Wet. In the sea. I’m really wet. Water. Sea. Sea. Water. Wet we wet wet wet wet wag wag wag wag wag wag wag wag wag wag wag wag. It’s great. It’s great. It’s great. Wet. Water. Sea. Wet. Great. It’s great. Run run run run splash. Run. Oh it’s great. The sea’s great. It’s great in the sea. This is great. It’s great. Really, really great. It’s great in the great sea. See me in the sea. See me? See me?  SEAWEED! SEAWEED! KILL THE SEAWEED!! Get it. Chew it. Shake it. Kill it. Who do you think you are? Catch it. Grab it. Take it. Shake it. Who do you think you are? Got it. Had it! Dead it! Kill it! Gone. Water water water splash splash wet wet splash splash wet jump water sea sea.

It’s great in the sea. I like the sea. The sea’s great.

Oh look! There’s the sea. I forgot about the sea. It’s there. JUST THERE! Quick! Run! Run run run run run run run run. Oh I forgot about the sea. See the sea? See the sea? Sea? See? Sea. Quick. Quick. Quick. Run run run run run run and wet. Splash and wet and water and sea and wet and splash and wet and wet and swim swim swim swim swim I CAN SWIM IN THIS BIT oh wag wag wag wag wag wag wag wag wet wet wag wag waggity waggity waggity wag swim swim swimming see me swimming. See swimming. Sea swimming. Sea swimming. Swimming swim swim swim splash splash soaking soaking splutter cough soaking wag wag wag wag wag wag wag wag wag. SEAWEED! Kill the seaweed. Get the seaweed! Nasty. Stinky. Slimy. Slinky. Who do you think you are? Twisty. Slidy. Nasty. Tasty. Who do you think you are? Got that bit! Had it. Took it. Killed it. I am The Great Seaweed Dog Master! Yes! I rescued Them from The Seaweed. Clever dog. Good dog. Good dog. Clever dog. Dog dog dog dog dog wag wag wag wag dog dog dog wag dog wag dog dog wag dog.

So yesterday right. We went for this walk. To the sea and there was sea there and it’s really, really  great and wet in the sea and crouch; pause; touch; ENGAGE.

Sorry about that.

Yeah it’s great. The sea’s great. Really great. I like the sea. Don’t like the sea weed though.  I like the furniture. I like the box. I like the blankey blanket. And the furniture. I have to get off the furniture. GET OFF THE FURNITURE! I have to get off the furniture. But I can get on the couch. I go on couch. When they’re not on the couch I can go on the couch. So I go on the couch. Sometimes when I’m on the couch they tell me to get off the furniture. GET OFF THE FURNITURE! Don’t get it. Get off. Don’t get it. Me? Off? Off the couch? GET OFF THE FURNITURE! I’m on the couch. I’M ON THE COUCH.  “Get off the furniture.” Stupid them.

Shhhhh. Shhhhhhh. Shhhhhhhhhhh. Sleeping. 

Door. Door. DOOR! Quick! QUICK DOOR! They are very good at opening the door especially when I need to - y'know - ENGAGE.

Garden's nice. Garden's good. Wag sniff sniff sniff sniff wag wag wag wag wag wag sniff sniff sniff. Starling! They fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly off and off and off and quick flying off. I just pretend to chase starlings. I'm not stupid. I can'y fly. I'm The Dog. The Dog can't fly. You need feathers not fur. Feathers. Fluffy feathers like that. FEATHERS! Big feathers! Fly feathers! FLY FLY! EEEK!! "Cluck!" "Chuck chuck!" "Cluck!" FLY! Why don't you fly?!?!  FLY?  WHY DON'T YOU FLY??? arggghhhhh !! Sit still. Sit still. Still. Still. Sniff sniff sniff sniff "Chuck chuck!" Sit still. Sit sit. "CLUCK!" I'm Sitting! I am! Look!!! Run run run away. I'm a dog. You're just a bit chucking starling run run fly fly fly fly. Sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff "CLUCK!" I'm sitting. I AM!! Sit still. Sit still, Sit sit sit sit. Wait don't wag.

Sniff.

"C L U C K    CHUCK !! "

I'll     -     just    -   walk    -      backwards    -    run run run run run run run run run run run run awaaaaay. Crouch; Touch; Pause: ENGAGE ENGAGE ENGAGE

I need my blanky because I'm a bit cold. Not because I'm afraid of a big chucky starling type thing. Cwtchy on the couch. Cwtch. Couch. Blanky. 

Mr. Postman Look And See If There's A Letter In Your Bag For Me.........

Here I am right out on the edge of Europe and my post gets delivered more regularly than it ever has when I lived in the heart of the city. And I don't even have a letter box!

I scared poor Alex, one of our postmen, a few weeks ago when he announced his arrival by flinging open the kitchen door when I was sitting there in my mis-matched pyjamas. I gently folded my arms over my bra-less boobs to hide the nipply bits and didn't stand up for fear of showing him even more than he'd bargained for. Poor Alex, I expect he's asked his employers for counselling by now. But there again he's a Ness Man - famed for their mad courage and their Guga Hunting - more of which in a future post.

There's been a bit of a battle here on the islands of late about the fate of the Post Offices. The main Post Office in Stornoway is threatened with closure and amalgamation with one of the supermarkets. Even though the supermarkets are not that far from the town centre they are both ordinary supermarkets and just like every other ordinary supermarket these two are also surrounded by tarmac and parking spaces. This is bad enough to negotiate when you're a fleet footed adult who is used to the antics of drivers in car-parks but not so easy when you've got a couple of kids in tow or you just want to collect your pension. Also - which supermarket will get the contract? The Co-op, who oppose the closure of rural shops and Post Offices or Tesco who will do anything to attract more customers through their doors? Hmmmmm....let me think.

On this side of the island things are a bit more basic. Our local Post Office is not much more than a garden shed with a bit of a pull-in outside for a car or two. Inside it's like an Alladin's Cave of stationery supplies stocked with everything you could possibly wish for to send anything you like in any shape, style or form and pens and pencils and all manner of things to stuff in your pencil case or that special drawer in the kitchen.

Ness Post Office

As I said, we don't have a letter box and neither do lots of houses here. It's the wind. The wind rarely stops so that last thing you want is a rattly letter box. This is one of the reasons that people have mail boxes beside the gate to their house. The other reason is that it's a bit different from a terrace of houses or a street of semis all in a neat little row for the postman to wander along posting things in letter boxes. Here the properties are spread out and set right back off the road at the end of long gardens that were traditionally the long skinny croft. The postie would have a difficult time fitting all of the deliveries into one shift if he had to physically walk up and down each garden path between driving from one house to the next. So I suppose I should be thinking about getting a mail box. There is plenty of variety here and in the 'waste-not-want-not' culture of island life there's an abundance of madly eccentric ideas for creating one.

I could make one out of a bread bin.

My neighbour does what most people do and mount an old bit of drainpipe onto a post.

Maybe my old microwave is more weatherproo

Some of the mail boxes last longer than the properties do!

Some of them are a bit over the top like this one on the road to Callanish.

So I'm looking for ideas of what to use for my mailbox. I've got a good solid square built gatepost that I could attach it to which is probably ideally suited for an old microwave, just about the right size. Anyone got any ideas about what I could use? Answers on a postcard please........